Major Doubts with the Boom Boom
I've beginning to have major major doubts with how I live my life. Major doubts. Like "my whole world and everything I've ever learned is wrong" doubts. It was brought on by an automatic toilet flusher.

See, I realized, that everytime I use a toilet with an automatic toilet flusher, that it *always* randomly flushes the moment I move off the seat, post-boom boom. This gives me NO time to wipe, NO time to do anything but get off the seat and *[...flush...]* I then have to do all my dirty work, and do the wipe-wipe-wipe and then throw it into the toilet. I want the wipe-wipe-wipe to flush down, but it doesn't! I have to trigger the automatic flush sensor by waving my hands in front of the toilet. It flushes again - that is now two flushes for one bathroom excursion. When I leave, it senses the stall door moving, and again, a third flush. Images of the marketed Water Hog from my Southern California youth dance in my head.

So - is it just me? Am I wipe-wipe-wiping at the wrong time? Is this the universe's way of telling me that the way I've learned to boom boom and wipe-wipe-wipe totally incorrectly, that I should somehow already have wipe-wipe-wiped before I get off the toilet? I can't imagine that this be possible, but I've never seen anyone else's boom boom routine (and I'm NOT asking for volunteers). But the fact that it seems the people in charge would have programmed the toilet to flush once everything is done makes me believe I'm boom booming incorrectly. And somehow, this makes me feel totally and utterly inadequate.